# People Often Ask Me How... **Covers**:: **Source**:: [People Often Ask Me How...](https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361080266379264) **Creator**:: [[@roryreckons on Twitter]] # Highlights ##### ^249709276 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361080266379264 #TO/EXPLORE/READ .autism ###### ^249709276q People often ask me how I tell the difference between ADHD and Autism. It's hard - I know ADHD people ask this more, so here are contradictions that make it hard to describe. In many ways I am a living paradox. This is just my interpretation. A thread will add as I think...🧵 ^249709276 ##### ^249709277 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361082145435651 ###### ^249709277q For me it comes down to a key internal feeling: * I need extreme order * I thrive in total chaos This is the battle I deal with every day. ^249709277 ##### ^249709278 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361083831545857 ###### ^249709278q Autistic Behaviour: * Excruciatingly researching purchase options in a logical fashion. ADHD Behaviour: * Impulse buying something that looks cool and instantly regretting it. ^249709278 ##### ^249709279 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361085618245632 ###### ^249709279q Autistic Behaviour: * Loving eating the same food every day. ADHD Behaviour: * Hating when I notice this and needing to eat something completely new. ^249709279 ##### ^249709280 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361087417606145 ###### ^249709280q Autistic Behaviour: * Living with a routine, and loving it. ADHD Behaviour: * Needing a routine to thrive, but hating it. ^249709280 ##### ^249709281 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361089099522051 ###### ^249709281q Autistic Behaviour: * Preferring a lot of time alone and to be quiet. ADHD Behaviour: * Needing to be around people and be social. ^249709281 ##### ^249709282 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361090815062019 ###### ^249709282q Autistic Behaviour: * Wanting to follow the rules all the time and having respect for order. ADHD Behaviour: * Acting illogically in a way that contradicts these rules. ^249709282 ##### ^249709283 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361092597571593 ###### ^249709283q Autistic Behaviour: * Wanting to become a deep subject matter expert in a few subjects. ADHD Behaviour: * Wanting to be a generalist in all subjects. ^249709283 ##### ^249709284 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361094380220418 ###### ^249709284q Autistic Behaviour: * Enjoying menial tasks that are soothing like sorting LEGO for hours into types. ADHD Behaviour: * Hating doing menial repetitive tasks. ^249709284 ##### ^249709285 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361096208945152 ###### ^249709285q Autistic Behaviour: * Wanting to be quiet during conversations and offer thoughts rarely. ADHD Behaviour: * Needing to implicitly interrupt and say everything before losing that information. ^249709285 ##### ^249709286 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460361097974743045 ###### ^249709286q Autistic Behaviour: * Needing low sensory environments to account for high stimulation. ADHD Behaviour: * Seeking high stimulation environments for low stimulation. ^249709286 ##### ^249709287 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460362193443033088 ###### ^249709287q Autistic Behaviour: * Being cautious about trying new things ADHD Behaviour: * Running headfirst into some exciting new task without consideration. ^249709287 ##### ^249709288 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460362978138624001 ###### ^249709288q There are shared traits too (not every either Autistic or ADHD people will have them): * Hyperfocus * Strong emotional feelings and empathy * Divergent thinking * Good problem solving ability * Creativity * Interest in deep thinking * Needing to know how things work ^249709288 ##### ^249709289 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460363504121049089 ###### ^249709289q Also: * Stimming / Fidgeting * Over analysing social scenarios * Strong sense of justice * Altruistic behaviour * Tics * Rumination ^249709289 ##### ^249709290 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460364436741394433 ###### ^249709290q I also am not uniformly Autistic / ADHD in the same way. I seem to have more Autistic days, or more ADHD days. Accounting for this feeling and trying to work out which is more dominant helps me make the best use of my day. It can change within that day too. ^249709290 ##### ^249709291 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460364930415153153 ###### ^249709291q The most uniform quality I have is that I am unpredictable - even to myself. You'll never guess why I needed to become my own boss. ^249709291 ##### ^249709292 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460365587780030466 ###### ^249709292q This is why giving up on expectations about what I should be doing or what should work is probably the thing that has allowed me to be most productive. There's no rule book on how to live when you are often two things at once. When I developed perfectionism it sabotaged my life. ^249709292 ##### ^249709293 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460366091197181955 ###### ^249709293q Also why I think 'structured' therapy is especially awful for us dual diagnosis people who have perfectionism issues. Because we might be consistent one week, but then meltdown due to becoming impulsive the next. ^249709293 ##### ^249709294 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460366314833268737 ###### ^249709294q I call myself the swiss army knife person. Use whatever works. There are no rules - stop thinking of what is right and start thinking in terms of what works. ^249709294 ##### ^249709295 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460366568454385666 ###### ^249709295q CAVEAT: I mean in regard to organising life - don't be a hurtful person - that is a fixed rule I try never to break. ^249709295 ##### ^249709296 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460366998638977027 ###### ^249709296q I really can't stress enough how much it's important to teach yourself failure and to be ok with it - perfectionism kills self-esteem. It's uncomfortable as all hell to start with, it grated at my soul. I literally started by leaving errors in Tweets - and that was painful. ^249709296 ##### ^249709297 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460370067841970178 ###### ^249709297q Unrolled version here: https://t.co/rmMqt6ki3D ^249709297 ##### ^249709298 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460370956094824450 ###### ^249709298q If you parent a child who is a AuDHDer like us. Understand that this internal conflict state is hard for us to explain as adults, it's near impossible for a child to have any level of metacognition to understand what is going on with them. ^249709298 ##### ^249709299 highlight_tags:: [[parents]] Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460371999046262784 ###### ^249709299q This is also really important to understand when your child tells you something that seems confusing they are often not lying, if you discipline them too much - they will start lying. You need to be really loving, caring, and patient. Not perfect, but respectful. ^249709299 ##### ^249709300 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460372000870858754 ###### ^249709300q Removing autonomy is brutal. We adapt generally to become people pleasers, or narcissistic if we are denied our agency when young. Self-determination based, strengths based, and authoritative parenting I believe is best. ^249709300 ##### ^249709301 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460372227279360000 ###### ^249709301q [Remember that is not authoritarian parenting - I hate it's so close in look]. ^249709301 ##### ^249709302 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460372829572980738 ###### ^249709302q Also you will question people pleasing as something we become - we don't do that with authority figures generally as we have lost all trust in them. We do that with everyone else - because we think we deserve abuse - we won't let people know when we are hurt often. It's vicious. ^249709302 ##### ^249709303 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460373724675260416 ###### ^249709303q To give you one example of how bad people pleasing is when it becomes pathological - 33% of ADHD people in this research made a false confession to police, of those 62% did it to take the blame for someone else. https://t.co/XpjqPySCt1 ^249709303 ##### ^249709304 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460374764736839685 ###### ^249709304q I became a people pleaser. I befriended my bullies. It had extremely bad consequences for my moral development and my well-being. I would cry over what I did because I knew it was wrong, but only at home. I still thought they liked me, because they hung out with me, they used me. ^249709304 ##### ^249709305 Goto: https://twitter.com/roryreckons/status/1460375274101493761 ###### ^249709305q The thing that saved me is that they abandoned me. Then I just had abandonment issues! I gave up saying "XXXX is going to be my year" at a certain point. Too much of pattern to ignore. At 38 I am happy again, but it was 37 years of hardship before I rediscovered the self. ^249709305