> [!infobox] <s class="aside-in"><em>mentioned in 1 topic, 6 evergreens</em></s> #### [[My Deconstruction journey]] My deconstruction started in high school because of a general lack of [[love]] for the church. I didn't really get anything out of it, and I had kind of stopped trying to be a [[Christianity|Christian]] after middle school. Part of the reason was I never had a [[spirituality|spiritual]] experience even though I tried so hard. I basically felt like I deserved it and because I didn't get it I stopped trying. Even if I had gotten one I 100% believe that if you try hard enough and believe hard enough [[The brain is powerful enough to create supernatural experiences]] I was disconnected from my [[faith]] enough that even before I decided that God wasn't real, I was able to stop being a [[Christianity|Christian]]. I wasn't really afraid of [[Deconstruction (Christianity)| deconstructing]] my [[faith]] because I only valued the church to please my [[parents]]. I still practiced [[Christianity]] (Christian school, going to church, etc.) until I was 19, because I was too scared of my parents reactions. I lied for four years straight, for really no benefit as I forced myself to live a lie for years, and when I did tell them it was still [[religious trauma| traumatic]]: [[Fear cannot be a deterrent for deconstructing your faith]] It took me two years of complete separation from the church and my parents on top of four years of not being a [[Christianity|Christian]] before I felt like I could look at [[Christianity]] objectively, because [[Deconstructing your faith is like climbing through a jungle canopy]]. It was only when I was able to reach the top that I made the realizations about God ^[These realizations were mainly that [[The biblical Christian God is evil and does not deserve to be worshipped]], but also about how much [[belief]] in a God shaped my [[worldview]]. These insights lead to my understanding of [[The three main questions of life]], and later [[Faith is an abstraction of cognitive dissonance]]] that made me confident enough to be an [[atheism|atheist]]. One of my most major issues with the church is that [[Non-faith issues have been co-opted to keep people in the Christian church]]. This is part of the reason why I believe [[You can leave the church without loosing your faith]], and why [[My worldview is not about conversion it is about acceptance]]. But I think it is also very important to note [[The church will fail if christians keep aligning themselves with hate instead of love]]. Despite all that I still think [[Faith can be a useful tool for grounding yourself]]. I had multiple existential crises' after leaving the church because I had no [[worldview]] and had no [[purpose]]. [[Humans are primarily irrational, illogical, emotional beings]], and our worldview is what protects us from the unknowable. [^1] [[Identity is your understanding of yourself vs your interaction with the world]], and when you completely deconstruct your understanding of the world, you can lose track of your [[self]]. [^1]: [[Human's will find explanations for inexplainable things]] ##### How has my worldview evolved since leaving the church? I went through a time of [[depression]], where fell into the fallacy that [[Sadness is enlightenment and happiness is delusion]], because I was really struggling with realizing the injustice of the world [^2] and with forgiving my [[parents]]. [^3] As part of my [[self-actualization]], I started to forgive my parents: [[Parents will not be able to protect their children from every source of trauma|Parents will not be able to protect their children from every source of trauma]]. [^2]: [[Knowledge of an unjust world is painful]] [^3]: [[Accepting responsibility is not only about your actions]], [[Parents need to model the ability to deal with emotion to their children]] My feelings being a follower of Jesus have somewhat mellowed with time, but my feelings toward the church has not, and I still believe [[The biblical Christian God is evil and does not deserve to be worshipped]]. The fact is [[realism must acknowledge optimism's existence and effectiveness]] if we want to create a better world: [[Be the change you want to see in the world]] Additionally I believe [[Worldviews should not make life seem easy and simple]] and that [[Christianity]] is one such worldview: - [[Faith is an abstraction of cognitive dissonance]] - [[You will never be pushed to understand marginalization unless you are part of a marginalized group]] - [[Fear of hell is baked into Christianity for vulnerable believers]] - [[Christians struggle to feel empathy because they must believe that non-christians are going to hell]] - [[A inwardly judgmental and outwardly accepting home creates trust issues]] Additionally, I have focused in on the way that [[Evangelicalism]] has perverted the [[faith]] - [[Evangelicalism has commodified faith for profit]] - [[The actual path to being a good person isn't explored by Evangelicalism]] I have started to look other belief systems to contrast them to [[Christianity]]: [[The materialistic view of religions examines why humans invented and clung to religion]], but we still see religions like [[Buddhism]] that do not focus on salvation. [[Buddhism outlines a path and practice to end suffering, but does not promise it]]. While [[learning]] about other [[religion]]s, I have decided to [[Use philosophies as far they are useful and nothing more]], and this is [[Why I only callout Christianity]] ### <hr class="footnote"/> **Status**:: #EVER/GREEN *edited 7:35 AM - July 08, 2022* **Topics**:: [[Christianity]], [[belief systems]], [[worldview]], [[faith]], [[self-love]], [[self-hate]], [[Evangelicalism]]